Aging Sucks

Aging sucks. Fact. 

I know because I’ve done it. Most recently, on Sunday. Although, technically we’re aging every day, Sunday was my birthday. Yeah, yeah, Alles Gute zu meinem Geburtstag. Ugh.

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Anyway…

I’ve reached the age now where it’s apparently socially appropriate to enquire as to the contents of my womb and for any “important jewellery” updates (empty and no). Along with this, there are certain things the universe/your parents/everyone expects you to have figured out by the time you hit 30 (at least).

You “should” have a better understanding of things like: “how to load stuff in to the makes-clothes-wet spinning machine without turning everything pink/grey”, “how to tip in restaurants” and, subsequently, “why 20p does not a good tip make”. 

Here’s some other really useful* stuff I’ve picked up over the years:

1. Colouring is fun – it always has been, of course, but now you’re really serious about it.

2. Laziness is a totes acceptable life choice – staying in on a Friday/Saturday night with Netflix is the new going out.

3. Pets are pro at conversation – I’ve had some ace convos with my cats. Don’t you judge us.

4. Playing games with your friends is super fun – I’m talking Cards Against Humanity and Fighting Fantasy. Monopoly is still a danger zone.

5. Clothes you wore as a teen have become fashionable again – a horrifying truth that instantly makes you regret every clothes clear out you’ve ever had.

6. You’ll start using “slang” that you haven’t used since secondary school – calling something bitchin’ makes you look totally rad, right? Cool beans.

7. You will acquire the following but probably only use them once or twice:
– Cafetiere
– Vegetable steamer
– Foreign language learning CD
– Blender
– Home exercise equipment
– That *insert clothes item* you bought to wear to that thing and then didn’t in favour of that *insert other clothes* item you’ve owned forever.

8. Hangovers now have the power to literally kill you. LITERALLY.

9. A good sense of humour becomes one of the most attractive qualities a person can possess.

10. You’ll spend money more on home improvement/cushions/bedding than on nights out.

What random knowledge have you amassed in your years on this earth so far? Let me know!

 *not actually useful. Soz.

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5 thoughts on “Aging Sucks

  1. Kerri says:

    Tipping in complicated! And I hate parting with my money, so it’s extra complicated and leads to serious internet dilemmas.

    I always fancied a veggie steamer!

  2. Michelle says:

    I’ve never in all my life felt less rad than when I used the word rad to my teenage step-children. It’s a bloody minefield I tell you. I’ve also reached colouring in level Pro and have taken over the world during conversations with my mutts.

    Feel like I’m winning as just realised I’ve used my garlic mincer 3 times. Excellent purchase.
    M x

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