Hey there, Blog fans!
**If you or someone you know is affected by, or may be affected by, any of the issues mentioned in this post, please visit your GP. I am not a doctor. All views are my own**
Yesterday, I touched on a project that I’m currently working on over at my astarfellonher Instagram account.
I first came across the #100depresseddays project on Bustle. They ran this article by Maria who explained what it was and why she was doing it. Inspired by seeing #100happydays, an undeniably sweet concept, Maria wanted to show that there was another side to life. Suffering from major depressive disorder, she knew that completing the #100happydays project wasn’t going to cure her and so set out to create something of her own.
Here’s the blurb from Maria’s blog:
“Inspired by 100 Happy Days, this project will document 100 average, run-of-the-mill days with depression, with the goal of challenging my shame and raising awareness of what depression looks like…hint: it looks all sorts of things, like smiles, burritos, tears, greasy hair, dancing, drinking, Netflix, love. Depression is not always tragic, or dramatic; more often, it is mundane. (But oh, can it be tragic.) Depression is smiles. Depression is deep breaths. Depression is impulse buys. Depression is surviving.”
So, why am I doing it? I’ve suffered from BPD Type II for over 15-years now and have only recently felt able to be completely open about it. In her interview with Bustle, Maria talked about the exhaustion of hiding her depression and this resonated with me strongly. Tied with some throwaway comments from people I had considered close friends regarding my being in a “bipolar grump”, I knew I had to tackle this for myself.
BPD is not about just being happy or sad. It’s about feeling the extremes of these emotions, of being side-swiped by tears or laughter when you’re not expecting it, about dealing with the insomnia that inevitably comes with hypomania. It’s about watching what I eat and how much I drink, about hugging my cats and my boyfriend and about taking each day at a time.
I’m on Day 26 at the time of writing and I’ll be honest, it’s not easy. In fact, I’m finding it really, really hard. The anxiety accompanying me on this journey is often overwhelming as is the fear that everyone is judging me. I’m plagued by the thought that people will think I’m just incredibly narcissistic or that I’m just out for attention. I promise you, I’m not. All I want is for others to understand that I just because I have BPD does no mean I’m defined by my BPD.
The account is currently private but if you’re at all interested, please send me a request. Alternatively, if you feel inspired to start your own #100depresseddays journey, let me know and I’ll offer all the support I can.
Thank you, xx