Lately, I’ve had the pleasure of revising for an exam. I say pleasure through gritted teeth.
It’s for work but isn’t a requirement, I think I may have just angered someone in a previous life and am now being punished.
The thing is, I’m not academic. Throughout school and university, I got by on a very well defined system of hope and blagging. The difference back then was that I had at least some interest in what I was learning. It was all new, there was pressure from all sides to do well and I genuinely wanted to make people proud of me.
Now, at 29 and bitter, I don’t have any of those influencing factors. I could not care less about the subject matter, there is no pressure to pass as it won’t actually change anything and I’m so ambivalent towards my job that I’m not bothered if I let anyone down.
Which raises more issues. Why am I bothering? Why am I even still working in a job that I care so little about?
All I know is that if I pass this exam, at least I never have to sit it again.
*sigh* Being a grown-up sure does have some downsides!
If you’re studying for exams, please don’t follow my example and I wish you good luck!